This kitty has claws
Through the cougar's eyes: the road to sexual liberation
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Reborn. by Liz Earls
I was driving down the 5 to LA, blasting Beth Hart through my iPod earphones, creeping up towards 100 mph. My car was fully loaded and I was thinking about the new loft when my phone lit up.
I knew it was playing Shake Your Moneymaker, but couldn't hear it 'til I took my phones off and adjusted to the low voice at the other end. It was an unknown number, some guy I must know, telling me that he had this dream about me where he was eating my pussy for hours and woke up with a raging hard on. I was flattered, and curious to know who he was, but I didn't think it would be right to ask at that point. I told him I would be back in San Francisco next week if he wanted to hook up. He did, and would call. I hung up, smiling, and then laughing at how good it all felt. The move, the men, my life had become a playground, and it was exactly what I wanted. It's been five years since I started shooting erotic photographs, in January 2005. Before that I was alternately a stay-at-home mom and a human resources director. I also weighed 200 pounds. This is the story of how I transformed my life. I quit my human resources job when I got pregnant with my first daughter. Staying home, I gained 100 pounds by the time she was born. My unhappy marriage was partly responsible for my insatiable appetite. I'd been a pregnant bride, marrying a man I didn't love because it was the right thing to do, the safe thing to do, while I was actually in love with his best friend. By the middle of my second pregnancy I knew I couldn't keep lying to my husband anymore. I felt terrible guilt, but even with no money, no job, and no place to live, I had to leave.
For extra money I began shooting photos part time for a local newspaper. I turned a small closet into a darkroom and enjoyed the work, even though it only paid 20 bucks per photo used. I felt comfortable with a camera in my hands, and saw that people responded differently to me with my press pass and fairly impressive camera. This was the first step towards the life I have today, but I still had many years to go. I was completely immersed in being a mom, and felt invisible to the opposite sex. When the kids were finally both in school, I signed up with a temp agency and the very next day had an interview for a temporary position as a human resources assistant.
The interview was at a big company, and the man who hired me told me that Keith, the boss, was on vacation. When I had been working there a week a tall, thin man, younger than I would have expected, walked up to me, smiled, and said, "Welcome." It was Keith, and I quickly became fascinated by this man with the mesmerizing eyes. It was the way he smiled at me, like I wasn't invisible anymore, even though I weighed 185 pounds. I wanted to please him. Shortly after that I came in on a Saturday to do some extra work, and right behind me came Keith with his wife. They looked miserable together, and it reminded me of my own unhappy marriage. I was 39 then and thought, "I don't want to be fat anymore. I don't want to be fat and 40." I joined a weight-loss program the next day, stuck to the program completely, and started working out too. Within eight months I dropped 75 pounds.
During those eight months Keith and I worked closely together and I guess it was pretty obvious where this was going. I was becoming a size 4, a different person, not just from the weight loss but because I couldn't wait to get to the office. I was earning $80,000 a year and falling in love with my married boss, going crazy with all the suppressed passion, but knew I would have to make the move. At that point I didn't care if he fired me; I just couldn't hide my feelings anymore, so one night I sent him a text message saying, "I can't sleep. Meet me?" Soon we were meeting every night after work to make out in the company parking lot. Then we began to work in the office on Saturdays, and always ended up against a wall rubbing our bodies together, dry humping, touching, kissing, and getting very wet. I left the company six months later. Even though we had yet to "go all the way" our affair was taking on a life of its own with all the rumors. I thought maybe Keith was holding back because of the working relationship and hoped we'd have a more normal affair if I weren't with him at work. However, I was holding back too, because of my body.
With the weight loss my skin and breasts sagged terribly. I worked out every day for an hour but there was no way to work off the excess skin. I looked great in clothes, but like shit naked. I went to see a plastic surgeon. He gave me new breasts, more sensitive to touch because the skin was tighter, and with the implants put in through my belly button, so no scars, and a tummy tuck at the same time. I was literally transformed by that surgery. I finally felt like the real me, and wondered if it was the same experience as someone having a sex change operation. I walked, moved, and felt differently, and couldn't wait to see Keith.
It was like "wow" when he saw me, even thinner and with breasts, but I also sensed guilt and realized that he needed to end this. He always said that I deserved someone who could be with me, and that he couldn't leave his wife because of his son. It was painful, but at least I had my new body, my new life.
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"Savoring the sight of 20-year-old room service waiter Vinny, my youngest conquest, in a Manhattan hotel room."
